On proxies

My MEL 120 teacher, Professor Pulak Mohan Pandey, or PiMP, as he is fondly called by his students, has a big problem with me. MEL 120 classes are very boring (incidentally it was boring that we were doing in MEL 120 class today, which I think is a way to drill holes, and a big co-incidence, but I am not sure, as I wasn't really paying much attention) and PiMP hates me. For a good reason. I am, invariably, late for class, because SAK, who takes our CSL 102 lecture classes that are held before the MEL 120 lecture classes, invariably takes an extra 15 minutes after every class, and CSL 102 is held in the VIth block, whereas MEL 120 is held in the main building, which means a commuting time of 5-7 minutes. In addition to that, PiMP either thinks that I am a proxeer, or he thinks that I am a proxy-giver, and none of these thoughts of his contribute to an increase in his liking for me.

Who is a proxeer, you may ask, or a proxy-giver, for that matter. A proxeer, to put it quite simply, is a person who is a proxy-beneficiary. A proxy-giver, using the same logic, is the proxy-benefactor. And a proxy, as I am sure all my fellow IITans will know, is nothing more than getting attendance marked for classes without actually having to attend them.

The actual act of getting a proxy is very simple. At the end of each class the professor calls out the names of the students on the roll-list. All that is required to get attendance marked is a simple "Yes, sir.", or a "Present, sir." immediately after your name is called out. In some cases, instead of the professor calling out names at the end of the class, a sheet is passed among the students, and each student is asked to write his/her name and entry number on the sheet. Therefore, as is evident, maroing proxy is a very easy task, and requires no special skills other than an ability to disguise one's voice or hand-writing (for the proxy-getter), and an ability to make lots of friends, and persuade them to maro proxy for you (for the proxeer). However, over-enthusiastic proxeers have been known to often land themselves in trouble, when as soon as their name is called out, an entire chorus of "Yes, sir"s and "Present, sir"s breaks out, resulting in widespread confusion, and usually very undesirable repercussions.

So, as I was saying, PiMP does not like me because he thinks I am involved in proxeeing and proxy-getting, while actually I am involved in neither. I may be pathetic at studies, especially MEL 120, but I make it a point to stay well above the 75% attendance rule, as a result of which I don't much need to take recourse to such methods. So why does PiMP think I do? I don't know. But I have a fair idea.

It all happened because in the roll-list, my name is immediately before a friend of mine whose name is Pulkit Aggarwal. Now, because of the tearing hurry with which PiMP goes through the attendance-list, and because of my extremely slow reflexes (I usually take a nap during MEL 120, and ask the guy sitting next to me to wake me up when it is time for the attendance. And I, like most other people, am a bit slow immediately after being woken up.), by the time I manage to say "Yes, sir". PiMP usually has moved on to Pulkit's name. Therefore, because of my saying "Yes, sir" after Mr. Aggarwal's name, PiMP, very logically, but very wrongly, concludes that I am Pulkit Aggarwal.

Everything was moving along wonderfully well, and although I was not happy being known as Pulkit during MEL 120 class, I was learning to live with it, till about 4 days back, when PiMP, realizing that a lot of people were proxeeing and proxy-giving, flew into a rage, and started scolding us students. This was bad for me for two reasons. Firstly, it resulted in him going through the attendance list at a much slower pace, looking at everybody as they answered their roll-calls, and making people stand up while doing so to make sure they were actually there. Secondly, his shouting at the class woke me up a bit prematurely, resulting in me being a lot more attentive when he was taking attendance. So, when he called out Manu Saxena, I, as you would expect, zealously shot up from my seat, stood up to my full height, and bellowed, "Yes, sir." PiMP looked up, saw me, and then and there, my goose was cooked.

"You are Manu Saxena?", he asked me. "Yes, sir", I replied truthfully. "Then why have you been proxeeing for Pulkit Aggarwal?", he asked, and before I could explain, added, "Ab aap ko jo kuchh bhi explain karna hain, dean ke saamne kariyega.", and with that, he was out of the class. Although, after a bit of explanation after class (I visited his room), he dropped the dean bit, I still had to give in a written apology (for something I didn't even do), and he still looks at me suspiciously every time he takes attendance. Something tells me he doesn't believe much of what I say, and is still undecided on whether I am actually Manu Saxena, or Pulkit Aggarwal. Not much, though, that I can do about it.

Moving on, Nihilanth-2005, which was being held at IIT, Delhi, concluded yesterday. It was a completely IITM dominated event, and Mr. Siddharth Banerjee (aka The BOFi) dispatched competition with ease in each of the events. IITM finished first with a huge lead, and I think IITD ended up second. The team I was in did not even qualify for a single event, but we came very close in a couple of quizzes, especially the sci-tech quiz. It was, in a way, good that we didn't make it through the prelims in any event, for as I always say, it is much better to enjoy the quiz as a member of the audience, than to go up on stage and get a complete ass made out of yourself, which I am sure would have happened had we actually gotten an opportunity to go up. Even though we did not qualify for any of the finals, I had a lot of fun nevertheless, and had a lot of chocolates, which were given out as audience prizes.

In other news, the article which I had written for the IIT magazine has been published, and has the potential to turn into a big source of embarrassment, since it happens to be such a crappily written one. I will probably have to lie low at IIT for the next couple of days, by which time the article will probably pass out of public memory, and I will not be accosted in the corridors, as I was today, and be made to listen to how terrible the article was.

Before I go, a bit of advice to all my fellow IITans. You would all do well to heed it, unless you want to learn it the hard way, as I did.
Neither a proxeer, nor a proxy-giver be.
Especially if you happen to be at IIT.