What I learnt today

Here are some of the more interesting remarks that I came across today.

1. "Be Brave."
Can be used in almost any situation. Battles, baths, ...you name it. The possibilities are limitless.

2. "Stop touching yourself, Bitch!"
Adding the word Punjabi before bitch is optional.

3. "You sicksadisticbastard."
No, my space-bar isn't out of order. That's the way you're supposed to say it.

Man!! This is why I go to IIT.

And while I'm at it, I also learnt what Punjabi women say to their husbands the morning after their wedding, and what a parthian shot is.

So you see, my days are not as wasteful as they seem to be.

Movie reviews

I've seen quite a few movies in the last week or so. Although reviewing movies is not really something I like doing, I shall still write a bit about them, mainly because I don't have much else to write about.

I saw X2: X-Men United about four or five days back. It was a good movie. Although I haven't seen the first part, I liked it. Most of the plot was pretty straightforward, and I understood what was going on, so I guess watching the first movie isn't an important requirement. I was at home, I was bored, and I had nothing better to do. It was a good way to spend a couple of hours. Lots of fighting, lots of good special effects, and lots of women in tight leather body-suits. How could I not have liked it.

I also recently saw The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. It is, easily, one of the crappiest English movies I have seen in a long time. It has no story. Everything keeps happening in a most disorderly manner. And the special effects are really scrappy. Just shows that assembling the biggest names from the world of fiction alone won't make a movie work. Take my advice. If you ever get the opportunity to watch it, don't. If you'd like to watch it for Naseeruddin Shah, once again, don't. Go watch one of his better Hindi flicks instead.

I watched a bit of Aitraaz on TV. It is, I think, a dumb movie. True, Priyanka Chopra is a real looker, but besides that, I can't figure out what all the fuss is about.

Seabiscuit, which I saw a couple of days back, is a good movie. Definitely worth a watch. The story is nice. Although there are no breathtaking performances, most of the actors have done a good job. It is a typical underdog story, and like most typical underdog stories, it is a good and inspiring watch. One of the better movies I have seen in recent times.

But by far the best of the lot was Million Dollar Baby, which I went and watched today. It is an absolutely brilliant movie. The length is perfect, the story is amazing, and the performances are mind-blowing. No wonder it won most of the Oscars. I haven't seen the competition (The Aviator, and Ray) as yet, but I am quite sure it can't be that good. I am not going to give out any of the story here. Go watch it yourself.

And, on the side, I have also been watching a lot of The Simpsons. My Oscar, if there ever existed such a thing, would go to Homer.

Crunk like puppet-pals

All of you who watch Dexter's Laboratory on Cartoon Network would know what I am talking about. To the others, I must explain the title.

Dexter's Laboratory is a cartoon show that is shown on Cartoon Network quite frequently. Daily, in fact. It is a cartoon show involving a very short boy called Dexter, who is very intelligent and has a super-cool lab in his basement, and his extremely annoying sister DeeDee, who is very tall and has a total vocabulary of two, rather similar sounding, words, them being, "Ooooh!!!", and ,"Eeewww." It is a half-hour long show, and usually contains three short cartoons, interspersed with commercial breaks. On some days, instead of three Dexter cartoons, the guys back at Cartoon Network show two Dexter cartoons, and one cartoon called 'The Justice-Friends', which is basically a cartoon about these three dudes who are the super-hero types. There is a guy who is always dressed in the US national flag, and looks like a pigeon. There is another guy who has long blond hair, and fights with his guitar. And then there is Crunk.

Crunk is characterized by his brute force, his purple skin, his almost-as-limited-as-DeeDee vocabulary, and his immense liking for a TV show called Puppet-Pals, which is basically a show containing two hand-puppets randomly bonking each other on the head for no apparent reason. Crunk does not usually wear anything other than a pair of green shorts (he would look, in fact, exactly like 'The Incredible Hulk', if you just exchange the skin and short colours), and probably the only line he says on the show is, "Crunk like puppet-pals." As I was watching the show on TV today, I realized how much I am like Crunk. I have a one-track mind. I lack the mental faculties required to work out complex stuff, and I am strong in my likes and dislikes. All I need to do is gain a few hundred kilograms, paint myself NorthWestern Purple, and manage to procure a pair of green shorts that I can walk around in.

Talking about strong dislikes, as I was telling a fellow IITian at college today, I absolutely detest it when people a) Use poor punctuation and grammar while writing English, and b) Skip pages in a book while reading it. It might not seem such a big deal to most people, but I hate it when people meddle around with spellings, punctuation marks, and grammar. You might keep telling me to get a life, think rationally, and stop fussing over such insignificant things, but I will always continue to act like I do. I am a stickler for proper punctuation and grammar, and I get extremely upset when I see writing that does not adhere to the fundamental laws of the language. That's just the way I am, and there's nothing any of you can do about it.

Moving on, college started today after a long (four-day long) break. It was nice going to college after such a long time, and it was good to see people I hadn't seen for quite some time, especially some of the seniors, who I couldn't see much of during the minors. I was very enthusiastic about going to college in the morning. My enthusiasm, however, quickly wore off, and tomorrow onwards, it will once again be a lethargic and indifferent Manu who will be going to college at 8:00 in the morning.

In extremely interesting news, Mr. Karan Misra, also known as Uncleji, has, from somewhere, suddenly come up with the idea that he is better than me at Badminton. Nothing wrong with that, of course, except for the fact that he isn't. He is making rather absurd claims on his blog, and is generally acting like the big nuisance that he is. I tolerated a few of his initial mumblings on this matter, but things went a bit out of hand today, when he actually had the courage to claim that he is better skilled at the game than I am, and in as many words. He then went ahead and posted meaningless data on his blog to support his ridiculous claims. So what have I done to protect my honour and dignity, you might ask. Like any self respecting person would have done, I have asked him to prove his claims. In other words, I have challenged him to a best of 5 Badminton games series. It is entirely up to him to accept or decline the challenge. He would be wise not to accept it. But you never know with Uncleji. The matches, if they happen, will take place sometime this weekend. You, my dear readers, will obviously be kept informed.

May the best man win.

Test Results

I am bored. Therefore, I am now going to bore you. If you don't want to be bored, just skip to the last paragraph. If you do, then don't. This is probably going to be my most boring entry yet. And by a large margin too. Don't tell me I didn't warn you.

Here are the full results to the online test I took on the day the minors ended. A friend of mine insists that taking this test on the day the minors ended makes me weird, while the fact that he took them one day after the minors ended does not make him weird. I have weird friends.

Congratulations!
You are a Wizard.

Character Stats:
Rogue (12)
Warrior (9)
Wizard (22)
Paladin (5)

Your Profile:
You're intelligent, educated, and just a bit superior to everyone you know. If you're still in school, you probably make A's, if you're not too bored to waste the effort. If you work, your annoying boss relies on you to solve the problems no one else can figure out. You've never met a puzzle you can't solve. When it comes to leisure, you'd rather read, play a strategy game, or surf the 'Net than run around getting sweaty. You're a brainiac, and you're not ashamed to admit it.
Above all, you're a mastermind and a great thinker. You see the unknown as territory to be conquered, and the mysterious as something to be systematically unraveled. You don't have time for fools; you only spend your time with people who can comprehend your obfuscatory convolutions. You enjoy amassing knowledge, both useful and trivial.

Your Mission:
You were put on this earth to enlighten people. They will listen to you, because they are impressed by your vocabulary, your erudition, and your ability to grasp concepts that invariably elude them. You are the one who has to figure things out, because let's face it - you're the only one smart enough.
Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to Discover Something. Something small, or something big. Find an unknown insect in your own backyard. Discover a cure for sunburn. Develop a faster way to get the dishes done. Calculate the number of molecules in the Andromeda galaxy. Discover a comet. Discover SOMETHING.
And do make it a priority. The Famous Adventurer of Silmaria has a crystal ball trained on you, and will be noting your progress.

A Warning:
Try to remember: you're not infallible. If people around you are all nodding and smiling, it may just be because they don't have the faintest idea what you're talking about. Check your facts and admit the possibility that even you can make mistakes. Loosen up. Make friends with a Rogue and have him or her try to poke holes in your theories. Who knows; you might actually have fun.
On another note - making plans and formulating theories can be quite stimulating, but at some point, you are going to have to actually DO something. Employ a Warrior, if necessary, to put your brilliant schemes into action. Just be sure your instruction manual is written in very small words.

Find your own inner hero.

They also gave me a neat little blue picture that was shaped like a shield and said that I was a wizard, which I am too lazy to post right now. So you'll just have to do without it.

In other news, I have been playing a lot of Badminton since the minors ended. I usually play with Karan, since he is almost always free and almost always loses, but these days, there seems to be no dearth of people to play with. Badminton, especially here at AIIMS, is suddenly the 'in' sport, and lots of people turn up every evening to play. I played close to 3 hours today, without pause, and my legs hurt so much I can't even get out of bed. I also think I have pulled a muscle in my right arm. My legs hurt so bad, I am not even using my desktop to post this entry. I am using my mother's lap-top instead, which she has thankfully not taken with her to Canada, so that I can post without getting out of bed. I went with Karan at about 5:30, so that we could beat the rush, and manage to sneak in a couple of singles' games before the crowd turned up (it usually turns up at about 6:00). Once the crowd turned up, we had to play doubles. Karan, intelligent guy that he is, left after a couple of games, but I stayed on for a much longer time, and now I am regretting that decision. I just hope I get okay in time to go to play again tomorrow.

I must now leave because I have to write two Physics experiments and make a poster on the manufacture of cupboard handles. But before I go, a very happy and fun-filled Holi to all of you.

Goody Goody Gumdrops

My minors are finally over. They didn't go too well, barring the first one, but that is a secondary issue. What is important is that they're over, and life, at least for the next three to four weeks will be bright and sunny, more so considering the fact that I have a four day long vacation commencing tomorrow, and Holi is round the corner.

I have a lot of stuff planned out for the next week or so. I have movies to watch, friends to meet, and some work to do. I was thinking of going to school once, since it has been quite some time since I was last there. I also plan to play a lot of Warcraft III, which I started playing in the afternoon today, and I plan to play a lot of cricket, which I haven't played in months. Besides that I have an entire season of The Simpsons lying on my computer, which I got it from Karan about a month back, but still haven't managed to find the time to see.

The only thing that doesn't make me feel good right now is the fact that mom has left for Canada (again). She left on Saturday, and I think she will be back only sometime late next month. I will most definitely miss her, but being an optimist, I prefer to look at the brighter side of the situation. No mom at home means no more constant reminders to clean up my room, and no more long food-centric conversations. Mom not being at home also means that I can stay out late, and generally rush off to all kinds of places on extremely short notice. Papa is much more easy-going about such stuff. He doesn't blow a fuse when I return home after midnight, and he is much easier to distract using sidetracking statements involving ships in glass-cases.

PHL 120 was not the only test I took today. After that, I took this long online test, which told me that I was a Wizard. That basically means that "I have a sharp mind and a cool head. There is no puzzle that I can't solve, and no problem that I can't think my way out of. When you feel confused or uncertain, you can always rely on me to untangle the knots and put everything back in order for you."
Believe it.

On turnarounds and Manufacturing Processes

In an unforeseen and extremely surprising development, people here at IITD have started taking a liking to the article that I wrote for Contact-2005 (IITD's annual magazine). After the initial volley of criticism and flak, compliments have started pouring in thick and fast, especially with the Airtel 1 paisa SMS offer on.

I had earlier said on this blog that the article in question was, very possibly, one of the gravesite I have ever written. I still stand by that statement. If anything, this sudden deluge of compliments has only reaffirmed my belief in the fact that the article I talk about is, indeed, the gravesite article I have ever written, for this is IITD, and most people here have very questionable tastes, and if they liked the article, it couldn't have been too good. The people here whose opinion I do value have either accused me of lack of originality (in an amazing coincidence, one of the lines in my article matched exactly with a line in one of Bob Dylan's songs), or have significantly chosen to remain quiet about the article.

I took my first minor test (MEL 120, or Manufacturing Processes) on Saturday, and it went, to my utmost surprise, decently well. Good, even. So exhilarated am I about this fact that I have hardly studied since then, and, considering that my next three minors are scheduled within a span of 24 hours, with the first one starting in just under 5 hours from now, that is not a very good thing.
Something tells me that it's going to be a long 24 hours. People, wish me luck.

P.S. - Blogger's spell-check doesn't think crappiest is a legitimate word. It wants me to use gravesite instead. And who am I to argue with a Dictionary.

Inspiration/Lack of Imagination

This is the book I am reading right now.

A 1980 copy of Crime and Punishment, owned by Dad.

Inspiration/Lack of Imagination (contd.)

And this is what he has written on the inside of the front cover.

That, as you can probably make out, is the reason for the new blog-name. Call it inspiration, or lack of imagination, or whatever else you like, but it seemed strangely apt.

It's minor time again

How we hates them.

I Love to Sing-a

I just sat through an entire MEL 140 written quiz, and that's precisely what I did. Sit through it. So, if the teacher likes me, she'll give me a half mark here or there, but if not, I am going to get, to put it quite bluntly, a zook.

To see a photo of Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz, member of the Galactic Hyperspace Planning Council, and terrible poet, who has found mention quite a few times in the comments section of my previous two blog posts, click on Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz.

When I was a kid, up till about 2-3 years back, Cartoon Network (my favorite channel, till very recently) used to run this segment called 'Shake Yer Tail-feathers' between shows, which featured songs featuring cartoons. It was during one of these 'Shake Yer Tail-feathers' that I first saw I Love To Sing-a by Owl Jolson (feat. Prof. Fritz Owl, Mama Owl, and Jack Bunny). Needless to say, I fell in love with it, and sang it all day long, much to the dismay of my family and friends. Over time, I forgot most of the lyrics. It was only yesterday that I performed a google search for them, and here's how the song goes.

I Love To Sing-a

I love to sing-a
About the moon-a and the June-a and the spring-a,
I love to sing-a,
About a sky of blue-a, or a tea for two-a,
Anything-a with a swing-a to an "I love you-a,"
I love to, I love to sing!

Give me a song-a
About a son-a gun that went and done her wrong-a.
But keep it clean-a,
With a cottage small-a by a waterfall-a,
Any sob-a that will throb-a to a bluebird's call-a,
I love, I love to sing!

I was born a singin' fool-a,
Lah-de-dah!
Ol' Major Bowes is gonna spot me,
Got through Yale with boula-boula,
Lah-de-dah!
Old microphone's got me!

I love to sing-a,
I love to wake up with the south-a in my mouth-a,
And wave a flag-a,
With a cheer for Uncle Sammy and another for my mammy,
I love to sing!

The swingin'est,
Hot singin'est,
Bell-ringin'est,
Song singin'est
High tootin'est,
Sky tootin'est,
I love to sing!

Try to get hold of the video. It's absolutely wonderful.

And a very goodnight to all.

Limerick season

Over the past week, at least three of my friends have posted limericks on their blogs. Not wanting to be left behind on this new trend, and having extremely little time on my hands, I have decided to do the same. So here's my limerick post.

There was once a man from Madras,

Whose balls were made of brass.

In stormy weather,

They clanged together,

And fire came out of his arse.

And now I must go, for MEL 140 awaits me.

On proxies

My MEL 120 teacher, Professor Pulak Mohan Pandey, or PiMP, as he is fondly called by his students, has a big problem with me. MEL 120 classes are very boring (incidentally it was boring that we were doing in MEL 120 class today, which I think is a way to drill holes, and a big co-incidence, but I am not sure, as I wasn't really paying much attention) and PiMP hates me. For a good reason. I am, invariably, late for class, because SAK, who takes our CSL 102 lecture classes that are held before the MEL 120 lecture classes, invariably takes an extra 15 minutes after every class, and CSL 102 is held in the VIth block, whereas MEL 120 is held in the main building, which means a commuting time of 5-7 minutes. In addition to that, PiMP either thinks that I am a proxeer, or he thinks that I am a proxy-giver, and none of these thoughts of his contribute to an increase in his liking for me.

Who is a proxeer, you may ask, or a proxy-giver, for that matter. A proxeer, to put it quite simply, is a person who is a proxy-beneficiary. A proxy-giver, using the same logic, is the proxy-benefactor. And a proxy, as I am sure all my fellow IITans will know, is nothing more than getting attendance marked for classes without actually having to attend them.

The actual act of getting a proxy is very simple. At the end of each class the professor calls out the names of the students on the roll-list. All that is required to get attendance marked is a simple "Yes, sir.", or a "Present, sir." immediately after your name is called out. In some cases, instead of the professor calling out names at the end of the class, a sheet is passed among the students, and each student is asked to write his/her name and entry number on the sheet. Therefore, as is evident, maroing proxy is a very easy task, and requires no special skills other than an ability to disguise one's voice or hand-writing (for the proxy-getter), and an ability to make lots of friends, and persuade them to maro proxy for you (for the proxeer). However, over-enthusiastic proxeers have been known to often land themselves in trouble, when as soon as their name is called out, an entire chorus of "Yes, sir"s and "Present, sir"s breaks out, resulting in widespread confusion, and usually very undesirable repercussions.

So, as I was saying, PiMP does not like me because he thinks I am involved in proxeeing and proxy-getting, while actually I am involved in neither. I may be pathetic at studies, especially MEL 120, but I make it a point to stay well above the 75% attendance rule, as a result of which I don't much need to take recourse to such methods. So why does PiMP think I do? I don't know. But I have a fair idea.

It all happened because in the roll-list, my name is immediately before a friend of mine whose name is Pulkit Aggarwal. Now, because of the tearing hurry with which PiMP goes through the attendance-list, and because of my extremely slow reflexes (I usually take a nap during MEL 120, and ask the guy sitting next to me to wake me up when it is time for the attendance. And I, like most other people, am a bit slow immediately after being woken up.), by the time I manage to say "Yes, sir". PiMP usually has moved on to Pulkit's name. Therefore, because of my saying "Yes, sir" after Mr. Aggarwal's name, PiMP, very logically, but very wrongly, concludes that I am Pulkit Aggarwal.

Everything was moving along wonderfully well, and although I was not happy being known as Pulkit during MEL 120 class, I was learning to live with it, till about 4 days back, when PiMP, realizing that a lot of people were proxeeing and proxy-giving, flew into a rage, and started scolding us students. This was bad for me for two reasons. Firstly, it resulted in him going through the attendance list at a much slower pace, looking at everybody as they answered their roll-calls, and making people stand up while doing so to make sure they were actually there. Secondly, his shouting at the class woke me up a bit prematurely, resulting in me being a lot more attentive when he was taking attendance. So, when he called out Manu Saxena, I, as you would expect, zealously shot up from my seat, stood up to my full height, and bellowed, "Yes, sir." PiMP looked up, saw me, and then and there, my goose was cooked.

"You are Manu Saxena?", he asked me. "Yes, sir", I replied truthfully. "Then why have you been proxeeing for Pulkit Aggarwal?", he asked, and before I could explain, added, "Ab aap ko jo kuchh bhi explain karna hain, dean ke saamne kariyega.", and with that, he was out of the class. Although, after a bit of explanation after class (I visited his room), he dropped the dean bit, I still had to give in a written apology (for something I didn't even do), and he still looks at me suspiciously every time he takes attendance. Something tells me he doesn't believe much of what I say, and is still undecided on whether I am actually Manu Saxena, or Pulkit Aggarwal. Not much, though, that I can do about it.

Moving on, Nihilanth-2005, which was being held at IIT, Delhi, concluded yesterday. It was a completely IITM dominated event, and Mr. Siddharth Banerjee (aka The BOFi) dispatched competition with ease in each of the events. IITM finished first with a huge lead, and I think IITD ended up second. The team I was in did not even qualify for a single event, but we came very close in a couple of quizzes, especially the sci-tech quiz. It was, in a way, good that we didn't make it through the prelims in any event, for as I always say, it is much better to enjoy the quiz as a member of the audience, than to go up on stage and get a complete ass made out of yourself, which I am sure would have happened had we actually gotten an opportunity to go up. Even though we did not qualify for any of the finals, I had a lot of fun nevertheless, and had a lot of chocolates, which were given out as audience prizes.

In other news, the article which I had written for the IIT magazine has been published, and has the potential to turn into a big source of embarrassment, since it happens to be such a crappily written one. I will probably have to lie low at IIT for the next couple of days, by which time the article will probably pass out of public memory, and I will not be accosted in the corridors, as I was today, and be made to listen to how terrible the article was.

Before I go, a bit of advice to all my fellow IITans. You would all do well to heed it, unless you want to learn it the hard way, as I did.
Neither a proxeer, nor a proxy-giver be.
Especially if you happen to be at IIT.

For once, I agree

With Mr. Misra, that is.

The iPod Photo is, indeed, the coolest device ever to have touched my right palm.
My iPod seems pathetic in comparison, though it still is, very probably, second on the list of cool devices to have touched my right palm.

And today, when I was coming to college (or Institute, as my professors insist I call it) in the afternoon, I saw an elephant on the road, being followed by a camel, which in turn, was being followed by a horse.

And now, I will leave you, for I have a CSL 102 assignment to submit sometime soon. If you do visit the link to it, which I am sure you will now that I am writing about it, notice what the title-bar says.

Till the next time we meet, may all of you be blessed with days as interesting as mine, and lots of elephants, camels, horses, and other assorted beasts making unexpected appearances.